Mind Over Matter
by Smartiepants13
Summary: The first night Edward stayed over with Bella--in Edward's point of view! What was he really thinking? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**Mind Over Matter**

**A Twilight FanFic**

**Edward's POV**

I sat down on the hard chair in Bella's kitchen. She arrived in the kitchen shortly afterward—she did not posses the vampire speed that I did. When she walked into the room her beauty hit me like a concrete block. She lit up the kitchen like an angel—my angel. If my heart was still beating I could swear it would jump around erratically like hers did whenever she was around me. She stood and stared at me for a moment. A part of me, the part that wanted to protect her and shield her from everything wanted her to suddenly see the evil in me, and run away screaming to never come back. The other more selfish part that craved for her blood and body wanted her to stay forever. 

She began to prepare her supper. She took out a square of lasagne, put it on a plate and placed it in the microwave. She stood back and leaned against the counter. As she watched her food revolve, I watched her. Her beauty was unbearable. It was the first time in the history of my existence had I ever lusted after something other than blood (although, at this point I don't know whether her blood or body tempted me the most). I admired her figure, which was much more modest than most teenage girls, and yet so much more attractive. How I longed to just hold onto her slim waist and breathe in her mouth-watering scent that reeked from her perfectly sculpted neck. I wanted to stroke her brown hair that lay straight and framed her pale face. It looked so silky and smooth—but rough in comparison to her pale cheeks. Ah, those beautiful cheeks that blushed a beautiful crimson whenever she was embarrassed. Oh how I loved her blush, her blush that matched those beautiful, pouty lips of hers. Her lips, how I longed to once again kiss those lips that taste so good…

"How often?" She asked, pulling me from my trance, snapping me back to reality.

"Hmmm?" I replied, still slightly dazed.

"How often did you come here?" She was still facing the microwave.

"I come here almost every night"

Suddenly she whirled around. Her hair flew in a fan about her face; her eyes grew wide in shock. I could hear her heart stuttering frantically. "Why?" She demanded.

What a stupid question. How could I _not_ come here every night, to admire her beautiful body and to breathe in her luscious scent? "You're interesting when you sleep. You talk" It was true. She did talk…a lot.

"No!" She gasped. And then, much to my delight, her cheeks turned a deep crimson, but I became worried. Did she not want me to be there? Oh no, what if she thought I was a stalker? Did I just ruin everything?

"Are you very angry with me?" I asked timidly.

"That depends!" She yelled. I waited for her to continue, but she just continued to stare at the counter.

"On?"

"What you heard!" She yelled even louder this time.

I hated seeing her in so much distress. Using my vampire speed I immediately rushed to her side and took her hands carefully in mine. I had to be sure not to crush them. How easy it would be—just a slight flex of my muscles…No! I must not let myself think like that. But oh god, she smelled so good. Her hands were so soft, and smooth, and _warm_. They were trembling slightly as I took them. "Don't be upset!" I pleaded with her.

I stared into her beautiful eyes. I could get lost in them, they were so exquisite. I decided to tell her what I heard…Well at least most of what I heard. "You miss your mother," I whispered. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said 'It's too _green_'". I laughed softly, letting her know that I did not want to upset her more.

"Anything else?" She demanded. Uh-oh. Busted. I could tell what she was getting at. Well, I might as well tell her now and get it over with.

"You did say my name" I admitted.

"A lot?" She sighed.

Yes, she did say it a lot. Five or six times a night even. I did not want to embarrass her, so I replied, "How much do you mean by 'a lot' exactly?"

"Oh no!" She exclaimed and then hung her head.

What silly, beautiful girl. Why was she ashamed of it? I am not ashamed of my love for her. Why was she, for me? I pulled her to my chest softly, being careful so as not to crush her fragile, delicate body. I inhaled deeply, filling my nostrils and my lungs with the (unnecessary) air that surrounded her. "Don't be self-conscious," I whispered into her ear. "If I could dream at all it would be about you, and I am not ashamed of it."

From a distance I could hear the sound of Charlie's cruiser approaching and soon enough, so could Bella. The headlights flashed inside the house. I could feel Bella stiffen in my arms. Not wanting to cause any trouble, I asked her, "Should your father know I'm here?"

"I'm not sure…" She hesitated. 

Not wanting to stress her out more by pressing the matter further, I whispered "Another time then", and then disappeared into the darkness.

"Edward!" Her soft voice hissed. I chuckled as I swiftly made my way upstairs to the familiar room using my vampire speed. 

I opened the door to her room, being careful so as not to make any sound. As usual, her freesia-flavoured scent overwhelmed me and it took me a few extra seconds to calm myself down before I could advance any further. I crept silently to her desk, closing the door behind me and sat down on her chair in front of her computer. Frankly, it was the biggest piece of junk I had ever laid eyes upon…except for that lump of metal she called her truck of course. Maybe I could offer her a new computer and a truck. In due time, I thought to myself. But for now I just wanted to explore.

Like I told her, I had been here many times before, so the pale blue walls and wooden desks were nothing knew to my eyes. It was the first time I was here without Bella in the room, giving me a lot more freedom since I did not have to spend every second trying not to wake her up. 

A picture frame suddenly caught my eye. It was of Bella and her mother, back in Phoenix I imagine, standing together in front of what I assume was her old house. The picture didn't look recent; Bella's cheeks were fuller and she had an overall younger appearance—fourteen, maybe fifteen? There was no doubt that she was still the most extraordinarily beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. Why she didn't feel the same way about herself was a mystery to me. She was even more beautiful than Rosalie, which is saying something.

Suddenly a segment of Charlie's thoughts (that I had currently been tuning out—they never made much sense) grabbed my attention.

_She's not interested in Mike Newton. Shocking, really. Aren't teenage girls supposed to be into boys right now? Wait, what am I thinking? She's probably just using this to make me unsuspecting. I am a cop, I'll bet she's going to sneak out tonight…_

I chuckled under my breath. Not if I can help it, I said to myself. But urgh! That vile Mike Newton. I couldn't even be near him at school anymore for risk of being nauseated by his vulgar mental images of Bella. How dare he think of her like that. Bella was mine now and in no way was I going to let him even come near her.

Suddenly I could hear Bella's soft footsteps as she made her way upstairs. I panicked—what should I do? I debated over hiding in her closet (which I was sure Alice would flip over if she saw how miniscule it was compared to her bedroom-sized closet) or under her bed. I settled on lying on top of her bed, so as not to startle her. I made my way to her bed (which was drenched in her scent I might add) and was overwhelmed for a split second, before I swiftly lay down on my back and paced my hands behind my head. Seconds later, I heard the door slowly open slowly, and then close louder than necessary. Even in the darkness I could still see her exquisite form against the pale blue walls. I smiled, waiting for the sudden frantic beating of her heart as she saw me. But it didn't come. I frowned slightly. Did she not like me anymore? Did I miss something in the conversation she was just having with Charlie? She quickly crossed the room to her window and threw it wide open. What on Earth was she doing…?

"Edward?" She whispered. 

Oh. A huge wave of relief washed through me. She just hadn't seen me. Silly Bella. I chuckled slightly as I replied to her expectant voice, "Yes?"

She whirled around, clutching one hand to her throat in surprise, uttering a faint, "Oh!" before sinking to the floor. Her heat stopped beating for a second, and then restarted at a pace faster than a hummingbird's wings. She was so adorable when she got startled. It was surprisingly attractive.

"I'm sorry" I pressed my lips together, fighting back a smile.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

She sat there for a second or two more, before I couldn't bear the distance between us anymore. I needed her close to me—and fast. I sat up slowly so that I would not startle her again, reached out and lifted her onto the bed beside me. "Why don't you sit with me?" I suggested, putting a hand on her warm one. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me—I'm sure you hear it better than I do"

I laughed silently and the bed shook slightly. She was right—I could hear her heart better than she could. It was gradually slowing down to a normal human pace; though it was never normal when she was around me. I watched her face as she stared down at the floor. You would think that it would get easier, not knowing what she was thinking, but it just kept getting worse and worse. Soon I was going to go mad. Suddenly she spoke, breaking the still silence that had just been surrounding us.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" She asked.

"Certainly." I replied. I gestured with my hand that she should proceed, though in no way did I want her to leave my side at this moment…or at any moment for that matter.

"Stay," She warned me.

Silly Bella. Did she actually think I _wanted_ to be anywhere else then with her right now?

"Yes ma'am." I replied, and I closed me eyes and became a statue on the end of her bed. I could hear her rummaging around, before quietly exiting the room closing the door behind her. I heard her pad down the hall to the bathroom and shut the door. I decided to listen to Charlie's thoughts for a while. He was watching the game, but he was more distracted than usual.

_I can hear her in the shower. Is she getting ready for a night out? I still find it hard to believe that she does not have a date with anyone yet. The other Dads I talked to today were all talking about how Bella has captured each of their son's attentions. Oh well, I'll just check on her later. Now for the game…_

Charlie thoughts became completely focused on the game and I grew bored. I had seen thousands of baseball games in my life and they no longer interested me. I let my thoughts wonder, to the day Bella and I first met, to the time I took her to the Italian restaurant, to today in the meadow, tonight in her room, Bella in the shower…

No, no, no! I told myself. I couldn't think of her like that. Back in my day it would be considered a disgrace to think of a woman in that way. Boy have times changed. When I tuned into boys' mind at school, most of what I saw and heard were images and thoughts of other girls in the school that I did not need to know about. And now, it was happening to me. Never in my one hundred years did I think that I could experience such strong emotions such as love and lust. And here I was lusting not only after Bella's sweet, freesia-smelling blood, but her body…

The shower shut off, and I imagined her stepping out of the shower, with just her towel on...No! I resisted the urge to slap myself—if all the other boys thought the same things, it's not that bad is it? To think of one's love interest like that? I still refrained from going back to thinking those things and so I tuned into Charlie's thoughts once more and got lost into the world of baseball.

Suddenly Charlie hears footsteps thumping down the stairs. I almost laughed right out loud when shock wrapped tightly around his mind as he took in what I assume was Bella with wet hair in her pyjamas. Soon enough I heard a slightly-panting Bella rush up the stairs and almost flew into the room. Her smelled, magnified ten times by the shower, overwhelmed me for a split second before I regained my composure and took in her appearance. Even in a holey T-shirt and sweatpants, she still looked like a Goddess. I tried to think of something to say, but for the first time ever, I think, I was at a loss for words. The only thing I came up with was an unoriginal, "Nice."

She took it the wrong way and grimaced.

"No it looks good one you" I assured her.

"Thanks." She said, in a barely audible whisper—to human ears, that is.

She came and sat down beside me on the bed and stared down at the lines on the wooden floor. "What was all that for?" I asked.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out"

"Oh." I replied. "Why?" Though I knew very well why.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I carefully lifted her delicate chin, to take a close look at Bella's features. I could see and feel the blush creeping slowly across her cheeks. It was so difficult to just sit there and stare at the goddess before me. The conflict and confusion inside of me was indescribable. Part of me longed to bite Bella, to suck up the blood that had been tempting me since I met her. Another part longed to press my cold lips to her warm ones, to pull her close to me, to hold onto her and never let go.

I resisted both of these urges and stared into her eyes as I said, "You look very warm, actually."

And suddenly I couldn't resist any longer—I had to close this distance between us. I bent my face slowly down to hers, and pressed my cheek against her flaming hot skin, inhaling deeply. "Mmmmmm…," I breathed.

We stayed still like this for a minute or two. I could hear her heart sputtering and jumping about. I continued to inhale deeply, still fighting two completely different urges—one of them completely foreign. I reminded myself of the promise I had made to my beloved Bella this morning in the meadow—that I would never, ever hurt her. It was still extremely difficult to fight off the urge to bite her, but I was getting the hang of it.

Suddenly she spoke, so softly I thought I imagined it. Her voice trembled slightly as she tried to form a coherent statement. 

"It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

"Does it seem that way to you?" I murmured in response. I could feel myself falling under my Bella's spell, and I could tell I was beginning to lose the battle with one of the urges. My nose slowly glided to the corner of her jaw, and I brushed back the hair that covered her ear. I pressed my lips, so softly, to the hollow beneath her ear, feeling the heat from her flowing blood. 

"Much, much easier" She said.

"Hmm" I said, more in response to her scent than to her statement.

"So I was wondering…" I began to glide the tips of my fingers along her collarbone, loving the warmth that radiated from her skin, and she faltered.

"Yes?" I breathed, waiting for her to continue.

Her voice shook in her reply, "Why is that, do you think?"

What a silly girl. Voice shaking. If only she could see the effect she had on me. I laughed aloud at the thought and replied, "Mind over matter".

Suddenly she pulled back, and we stared at each other cautiously for a while. Had I done something wrong? Did I insult her? Was I not doing this right? I had never felt this way about anyone before and therefore all my actions were new even to me, but I had watched enough Romance movies to know what usually happened in a situation like this. I was pretty sure I was doing this right…

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked cautiously.

"No—the opposite. You're driving me crazy." 

I considered this briefly. I had heard that phrase used countless times in books, in movies, in plays. It meant…well what it meant was a good—no, wait, a great—thing. A slow smile managed to make its way across my face. "Really?" I asked. 

"Would you like a round of applause?" She replied sarcastically. But the embarrassment wasn't completely covered up by the sarcasm. I grinned.

"I'm pleasantly surprised." I clarified. "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way then my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…at being with you…" My voice trailed off.

"You're good at everything" She pointed out, and then we both laughed.

"But how can it be so easy now?" She pressed. "This afternoon…"

Ahh…silly Bella. How I wish I could just make her understand. How I wish _I_ could understand for that matter. "It's not _easy_," I sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

I thought back to this afternoon when she had come so close, and then the smell of her _neck_, had nearly made me lose all control. I had almost reached out to ravish her blood…

"Not unforgivable" She disagreed. She had forgiven me. But I did not deserve it. Either she was the kindest and most understanding person on the planet, or she had no idea as to how close I came to slaughtering her. I smiled anyways, and looked down.

"Thank you. You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I picked up one of her hands and pressed it lightly to my cheek, enjoying the warmth. "And while there was still that possibility that I may be…overcome"—I breathed in the luscious scent of her wrist—"I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was_ strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I ever could…"

I was at such a loss for words. It was incredible, the spell my Bella placed on me.

"So there's no possibility now?"

"Mind over matter" I repeated, and I smiled.

"Wow that was easy" Bella said.

I threw back my head and laughed, trying very hard to keep it as low as a whisper.

"Easy for _you_!" I replied, touching her nose with my fingertip. My second theory was right. She had no idea how easy it would be for me to kill her. "I am trying," I continued. "If it gets to be…too much I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

How I hated thinking about leaving. I was lying through my teeth when I said that I could leave. I did not want to leave Bella. How could I? She was so beautiful and yet so fragile and lovely—everything about her was so desirable and I loved every part of her, from the lovely blush of her cheeks to her frequent near-death situations. "And it will be harder tomorrow," I continued. "I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch though, I think."

"Don't go away, then." She responded. I could hear the longing in her voice. I smiled.

"That suits me," I replied. "Bring on the shackles—I'm your prisoner" I laughed as I formed manacles with my hands around Bella's delicate little wrists. I think I laughed more that night than I did throughout my whole existence. It was truly exhilarating. 

"You seem more… optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before." Bella observed.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I smiled as I replied to her question. "The glory of first love and all that. It's incredible, isn't it. The difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," She agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I realized that last time I forgot the disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the plot line

**Author's Note: I realized that last time I forgot the disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the plot line.**

**Reviews are welcome with constructive criticism!**

**Enjoy!**

"For example" I continued, feeling much more at ease. "The emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…"

I grimaced. I was having a flashback to the day when that vile Mike Newton asked my Bella to the dance. It took all my self control not to reach out and break something. If Bella was not sitting right beside me I probably would have. That worthless slug of a teenaged boy seemed very appetizing at times, and sometimes I was almost willing to break my vegetarian streak just for him. 

"Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?" I asked Bella.

"The day you started talking to me again." She nodded and looked at me questioningly.

I began to explain. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury that I felt—I didn't recognize it at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for you friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.

"And then the line started forming" I chuckled, and Bella scowled. Even with a pout on her face, she was still the most exquisite thing I had ever laid eyes on…

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure. That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was _right_, moral, ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike," (Boy was I ever glad she didn't. It sickened me, to think of me and Bella and what we did this afternoon…her incredibly warm lips pressed against mine…only with Mike in my place…another wave of anger momentarily washed over me) "Or someone like him. It made me angry."

I flashbacked to that first night that I spent with my beloved Bella, and I began to whisper. "And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly at first I thought you had woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

I was silent for a while, listening to the erratic pounding of Bella's heart against her ribcage, and letting her absorb what I just told her. What I had just confessed to Bella was more than I had ever confessed to anyone in all my years of existence, and surprisingly enough, it made me feel strangely liberated and free. I continued with my monologue.

"But jealousy…it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I shook my head angrily as unwanted images of Bella and Mike passed through my mind.

"I should have known you would be listening" Bella groaned. Duh I would be listening. What else was there to do but revolve my life around the single most wonderful thing on earth?

"Of course" I replied, a smile threatening to cross my features.

"_That_ made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this;" I admitted. "You're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly" Bella teased. "For that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie—Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, _Rosalie_—was meant for you. Emmet or no Emmet, how can I compete with that?"

Silly Bella. Did she not know how beautiful she was?

"There's no competition." I said, speaking the absolute truth. I drew Bella's trapped hands around my back holding Bella to my chest. Gosh, she was so fragile…and so _warm_. How I longed to just stay like this forever, inhaling her sweet smell and touching her and maybe going even further…?

Stop! I shouted to myself. I was a disgrace! Thinking about a woman, and a woman as wonderful and important as Bella, in such a manner was disgusting. I was becoming as vile as Mike Newton. I almost shuddered at the thought.

"I _know_ there's no competition," Bella mumbled. "That's the problem."

How on earth was I ever going to convince Bella that she was so much more beautiful than Rosalie?

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmet didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair" Bella whispered, he warmth breath cascading across my chest creating a sensation I never experienced. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?" The things that Bella said sometimes were truly amusing. Just another of the many mysteries I have yet to solve about my precious Bella. I decided to play along.

"You're right." I agreed. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." I began to stroke Bella's wet hair. How beautiful it was, and it smelled so wonderful, almost as wonderful as Bella herself. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?" Though I tried not to show it, Bella had no idea how serious I was being.

"Very little—I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet." I replied, unable to hide the seriousness any longer.

Suddenly I caught a snitch of Charlie's thoughts that I had been tuning out for the past hour. _Alright, game's over. Better head upstairs…Oh, wait! What if Bella snuck out? Isn't that the typical teenage thing to do? I better hurry up and check on her!_

"What—" Bella started to ask. I hadn't realized that I was holding her wrists so tightly in my hand. Before she could say anything else I released her and disappeared into the darkness of her room. 

Bella looked momentarily stunned and I was worried that Charlie (who was seconds away from opening the door) would catch her in her sitting position, her hands still out as if they were still being held in my iron grasp. "Lie down!" I hissed at her.

Bella quickly rolled under the quilt balling up on the side. I suppressed a groan. If Charlie knew anything about his daughter, he would definitely know that she slept spread eagled on her back and not curled up like a toddler. I held my breath, unsure of whether or not Charlie would buy Bella's feeble attempt at looking like she was asleep.

The door cracked open and Charlie poked his head into the room. _There's my Bella. I knew I could trust her—she would never do anything to disappoint me. But I could swear she would be sneaking out tonight; it was Saturday! Oh well, I guess none of the boys in town really are her type…_

I chuckled to myself—too low a sound for human ears—as Charlie silently closed the door. Boy was he in for a surprise. I let out a silent sigh of relief once he left. I was so worried that we would be caught. But I guess Charlie is as clueless as any father would be.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Sorry the second chapter was shorter than expected…here's what happens next

**Author's Note: Sorry the second chapter was shorter than expected…here's what happens next!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!!**

I crept over to Bella, still pretending to be asleep. Gosh, she was so beautiful, and smelled so incredibly _good_! I mustered up all the strength I had to control the two completely different urges battling inside of me. I slipped underneath the quilt and wrapped my cold arm around Bella's beautifully warm body, my lips as at ear and whispered "You are a terrible actress—I'd say that career path is out for you."

The moment I opened my mouth Bella shivered; her heart sped up, beating unevenly in fast bursts, crashing against her chest. I smiled to myself—so incredibly glad that I had this effect on her, and that what I did around her was _right_. Never in my century of existence could I have ever thought that I would be here, lying on a bed, with the most extraordinary being in existence in my arms. I subconsciously began to hum; it was the lullaby I had been working on for Bella ever since I met her. It suited her so perfectly. It was _her_.

I suddenly realized that it was getting late. I paused in my humming, remembering that Bella still needed her sleep. "Should I sing you to sleep?" I asked.

Bella began to laugh. "Right, like I could sleep with you here!"

Silly Bella. Every night she's been sleeping with me there. Only tonight, she got to be in my arms…

"You do it all the time."

"But I didn't _know _you were here." She pointed out.

"So if you don't want to sleep…?" The man inside me stirred. I'm sure he could think of many ideas of what to do if she didn't want to sleep…Stop it Edward! Once again, I resisted the urge to punch myself. If my mother knew what I was thinking…

"If I don't want to sleep…?" Was that…hope, in her eyes?

"What do you want to do then?" I chuckled.

Bella hesitated, then finally said, "I'm not sure"

"Tell me when you decide." All was silent for a moment. With nothing else to focus on, I found myself inhaling Bella's scent. The sweet-smelling aroma filling my head, making me slightly dizzy—but I was addicted. I smelled her neck, my nose lightly touching her jaw. "I thought you were desensitized" She said.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. "I whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia." I noted. "It's mouth-watering." And indeed it was; the most incredible smell I have ever experienced. The monster within me seemed very threatening all of a sudden.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody_ telling me how edible I smell."

I chuckled, and then sighed. There was another moment of silence.

Then Bella spoke again. "I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything" I wanted her to know that she could trust me entirely, and I also happened to be extremely curious.

"Why do you do it?" She asked. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you…_are_. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

Wow. That was unexpected. "That's a good question." I finally said. "and you are not the first to ask it. The others—the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot—they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been…dealt at certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above—to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She didn't respond…or even react for that matter. I thought for a minute that I had put to sleep. "Did you fall asleep?"

"No." 

"Is that all you were curious about?" I was burning to know what went on inside that head of hers. I was still getting used to not hearing her thoughts. 

"Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds—why only you? And Alice, seeing the future…why does that happen?" She asked. This question I was somewhat expecting.

I shrugged, and then replied, "We don't really know. Carlisle had a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified—like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, whatever that was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmet brought his strength, Rosalie her…tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness" I chuckled. Rosalie was my favourite sister to make fun of as I usually got the best reaction from her. I continued, "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him—calm down a room of angry people for example or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

A thoughtful look plastered itself on Bella's face, and I waited patiently while she thought. On the outside I tried to appear calm, but on the inside I was struggling. Not hearing her thoughts was becoming almost unbearable.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well where did you come from?" I replied, relieved that she had spoken. "Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal with the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight—I'm the baby seal right?"

"Right." I laughed, and, daringly and softly, I pressed my cool lips to her hair, inhaling the intoxicating scent. I stayed like this for a minute or two, but she didn't respond. A split second of fear spread through me, wondering if I had pushed her too far.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked, interrupting the silence. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two." 

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I reminded her.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical after all."

"I won't leave you." Did she actually think I _wanted_ to leave? What a silly girl.

"One more, then, tonight…" Suddenly, I felt the skin around her face begin to heat up. Could it be? Bella was…blushing?"

"What is it?" I asked cautiously.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything" But she didn't answer me. I groaned in frustration. Not knowing what she was thinking—it was killing me. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse_."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I asked again. She shook her head. I suppressed another groan.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is." I threatened. "Please?"

"Well,"

"Yes" I didn't want to sound agitated, but Bella was making this an ever-difficult task.

"You said that Rosalie and Emmet will be getting married soon…Is that…marriage the same as it is for humans?"

Oh. Wow. My Bella, my innocent, sweet, Bella was asking me about this? I laughed. "Is that what you're getting at?"

Bella didn't answer, but fidgeted slightly.

"Yes I suppose it is much the same" he said. "I told you, most of the human desires are there, hidden behind more powerful desires." Bella only knew about one of these desires. Little did she know that the desires I had about her (one much more recent than the other) were beginning to battle for dominance. I internally scolded myself again. 

"Oh." Was all she said.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" Even though I knew it was wrong, and probably impossible for me and Bella, I wanted to hear her say it.

"Well, I did wonder…about you and me…someday…" Part of me cheered with joy, but the other part grew incredibly serious as the breeze coming though the window enhanced Bella's scent and I was momentarily stunned, and I came to the realization of how good she smelled to me, and of how incredibly breakable she would be. Despite the fact that I wanted this probably as much as she did, I would never put Bella in that kind of danger.

"I don't think that…that…would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I hesitated, not wanting to scare her. I softly moved my icy palm to rest against her cheek. "If I was too hasty…if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never, afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

When she didn't respond my heat sunk a little. She was probably terrified of me by now, and wanted nothing to do with me. "Are you scared?"

"No I'm fine."

Silence once again. My mind wandered slightly. She sounded disappointed that we wouldn't be able to...well, do _that_…I wondered if perhaps she was used to being able to be that…ahem…_close_ to her boyfriends? Was that all she seeked in relationships? If that was the case, then I would not be able to give her much. I hope she would not be disappointed. The thought of someone else touching my Bella made me shudder slightly. More images of that disgusting Mike filled my mind again, but I couldn't imagine my Bella, my innocent Bella doing that kind of thing. But wait! I was jumping to conclusions here. I didn't even know if she's had boyfriends in the past.

"I'm curious now, though. Have _you_ ever…?"

The blush crept up to Bella's cheeks again. "Of course not. I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." Bella sighed.

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I let out a silent sigh of relief. She was just as inexperienced with love and lust as I was.

"Your human instincts…" She began. "Do you find me attractive, in _that_ way at all?"

I merely laughed and rumpled her hair. If only she knew what was going on inside of my head. "I may not a human, but I am a man" I assured her.

Bella yawned. Boy it was really getting late. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep" I insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can"

"Do you want me to leave" I asked with reluctance. I was begging that her answer would be…

"No!" She practically yelled, and then I laughed, relieved that she wanted me next to her as much as I wanted to be there. I began to hum her lullaby once more into her ear, and soon enough, my beautiful angel was fast asleep in my arms.

**That's all for now, but stay tuned for Edward's dilemma once Bella is asleep!!**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer!!**

**It would be great if you reviewed, and gave me constructive criticism. **

Bella's breathing became slower and slower with every breath she took. I snuggled as close as possible to her, so that our bodies were completely touching. I loved Bella so dearly; I couldn't bear the space between us. It was incredible, the way our bodies fit together. Every one of her curves fit beside mine perfectly. Like matching puzzle pieces. We were each other's half.

I wrapped my arms more tightly around her, hugging my Bella as close to me as possible without crushing her delicate little body. Wow, it was amazing how delicate she was. I stared down at her beautiful face; its perfection. Her rosy cheeks that blushed that beautiful colour, her wonderful, pouty lips that I longed to kiss again…

I had to learn to keep a better control over my thoughts. But oh, how much I loved her. I had never felt this way before. It was completely overwhelming. This was all so new to me. A year ago, I would have never believed that one day I would feel like this. A year ago, I did not think it was possible to feel like this. This new found love, and _lust_—not bloodlust, but _lust_, for goodness sake—was incredible. If Jasper were here he would definitely have a difficult time calming me down. But then again, if Jasper were here, he would have a difficult time remaining alive on my account.

Bella's breathing was at a steady pace by now, and I knew it was only a matter of time before she spoke. How I wished I could know what she was thinking. But part of me knew that this was probably for the best. I wanted to respect her privacy, but at the same time a part of me desperately wanted to hear her thoughts, especially during the precious time when she is asleep.

I rested my nose on her neck, inhaling her scent. I traced her jaw line, with my nose, feeling the heat off her skin. I inhaled the intoxicating smell of her hair. Feeling extremely daring, I leaned my head slightly closer, and gently pressed my cool lips to her cheek. It was so _warm_.

Suddenly, Bella uttered a soft mumble—too soft for human ears, but a sound my vampire hearing could make out easily. I pulled back slightly, momentarily thinking I had woken her. But she was as sound asleep as ever. She mumbled again, this time something comprehensible—my name. "Edward" she whispered, so softly.

The same feeling that had shot through me every single night when she said my name, coursed through me once more. I felt incredible at that point. I felt wonderful. I smiled down at my precious Bella. I reached out and stroked her cheek, loving the warmth. She shivered slightly at my touch, but remained deeply asleep.

The love I had for Bella was—for want of a better word—extraordinary. I was about to burst with all the emotion I was feeling right now. The other nights, I was able to watch my Bella sleep, able to love her from a distance. But tonight she was beside me, her every curve matching up with mine. I was positive that Jasper could feel me from the house.

"Edward" she mumbled once again. And then three or four more times over the next couple of hours. I could never tire of hearing her angelic voice, or of being by her side, holding her close to my once existing heart.

Then, there was a pause in her mumblings. How I desperately wished I could hear what was going on inside her head. Who, or what, else was she dreaming of? And then she spoke again, but slightly more hesitantly. "Ed…ward?" She asked softly.

I stared intently at her face, wondering if she had woken up. I waited for her to continue. "Edward, I…" But once again, she paused.

It was agonizing, not hearing what she was thinking about, what she was planning on saying in her sleep. I half wanted to simply wake her up and ask her, but she needed her sleep. She let out a slow sigh, and then whispered, "I love you, Edward Cullen."

Electric shocks coursed through my body. Though I already suspected it, and it was quite clear based on the events earlier this afternoon, it was still so good to hear her say it, and to know for sure that she felt the same way about me that I did about her. "I love you too, Isabella Marie Swan"

Love rushed through me and I still could not believe that I was actually here with my Bella. I touched her lips with my fingertips, and traced their outline. How I desperately wanted to kiss those full lips. I wanted to feel their warmth and their softness. But I did not. I needed to respect my Bella, as my mother taught me to respect all women. But oh, how I desperately wanted to kiss her, to hold her beautiful face in my hands…

Stop it, Edward, I scolded myself. A part of me knew how wrong this was; the part of me pounded into me by my mother who always taught me to respect women. But the other part wanted to go further. I kept looking at my Bella's beautiful face. The hands that were stroking her cheek and wrapped so tightly around her waist desperately wanted to go elsewhere.

Bella shifted slightly in her sleep, and part of her shirt rode up underneath my grasp, so that part of her skin was exposed. It looked so soft, and so smooth. I longed to touch it, like I was doing on her cheek. I longed to see more of her skin, and to feel it. But I didn't, because it was so terribly wrong. However, the other part of me argued, and I found myself with an internal conflict.

At school, when I tuned into the other boys' thoughts (that I usually tuned out), it was practically all they thought about. It wasn't that bad then was it? But I couldn't be sure, and I didn't want to make a mistake.

But Bella was just so exquisitely—for want of a better word—_beautiful. _How could I not think about this? Her body was the nicest I had ever seen. I thought about earlier that evening when she asked me about whether or not one day we could…well, do _that_. Right now it didn't seem like that bad a possibility. But then I remembered what I am.

I am a vampire, who could kill Bella. Kill, the most beautiful creature on earth, the human that I had completely fallen for. Kill my Bella. And I would never forgive, nor would I be able to live with, myself for being the one to cause her demise. Though I was upset with myself for becoming so attached to Bella, I couldn't help it. She was undoubtedly the most incredible and extraordinary being to ever set foot on this earth, and she deserved someone so much better than me.

Bella shifted once again. I felt her ever line of her body against mine. It felt so right…

And then suddenly an overwhelming rush of lust surged through me. I swiftly, but reluctantly, let go of my Bella and leaped out her window, faster than the blink of the human eye, before the rush of emotion could take over. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, even though I didn't need the oxygen. Where was Jasper when you needed him?

I began to run home now, upset with myself that I had almost been overcome by this new and almost unrecognizable feeling. Why did I let this happen? What the hell was wrong with me? I slapped myself across the face, punishing myself (able to now that I was out of Bella's room).

I ran, leaving behind the unfamiliar emotions. But as I was running, I realized something and my heart leapt with joy. Though I was still disappointed and upset with myself, it wasn't because I was attracted to Bella's blood. I was running away from her, yes, but not because of bloodlust, not because I craved her blood, but because of something almost entirely normal for a (theoretical) teenage boy obsessively in love with his girlfriend.

With that thought, I leapt with joy and yelled into the cool breeze that rushed past me as I ran home.

**Sorry, it wasn't as good as I meant it to be.**

**Stay tuned for when Edward gets back to the Cullen household.**


	5. Chapter 5

Hey Guys

**Hey Guys! Sorry I haven't updated in so long! I was on vacation in Las Vegas…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the plotline in this chapter.**

I raced through the forest, occasionally leaping with joy, a wide, crooked smile plastered on my face. Bella's beautiful, sleeping being was etched almost permanently in my mind—but I wasn't complaining one bit. I could spend my whole life looking at her, and that's a long time.

Within seconds I could make out the dark outline of the family's house against the starry sky. People's thoughts and snippets of conversation reached my ears, the dominant ones being mostly from Rosalie.

_At her house again, as usual, watching her sleep I suppose. How I envy her—to be able to sleep I would do anything for. I don't understand her though. Alice told us of what happened today between Bella and Edward. I am happy for him. He's found someone like the rest of us has. But I don't understand Bella. How can she be so willing to give up life, not to move on, to go to heaven or to wherever it is one goes to when one dies, but to gain an existence of eternal damnation, as Edward so bluntly puts it?_

Her thoughts continued in the same manner. It was then that I consciously realized how many times I had thought the same thoughts today; way too many. But before I could think about it some more, the rest of the family bombarded me with their thoughts.

_Edward! Home so soon?_ It was Emmett, though, judging by the smirks on he and Jasper's faces, he knew, from Alice, exactly why I was coming home.

_Why so happy tonight? I could almost sense you from Bella's house._ Jasper.

"Shut up" I said. I was close enough now for them to hear.

Emmett's booming laughter broke the subtle silence of the forest, and I quickened my pace. Not three seconds later I hopped up and through the window in my room, landing softly in front of the couch. I quickly changed my clothes for when I was to return to Bella's. What would the neighbours think if we both left the house tomorrow morning, me still in the same clothes? Not that I cared what they thought…

I sat down and thought about the day's events. It had been truly incredible.

Bella was beautiful, she was just so…for want of a more powerful and meaningful word…_incredible_. She was so warm and her skin was the softest silk. I loved it when she blushed that wonderful crimson color. It occurred almost all the time now when she was around me.

She smelled so wonderful to me, her hair, and her neck. Her blood practically sung for me, tempting me, pushing my limits of self control. The way it pulsed inside her veins, and ran through her beating heart, that accelerated with the speed of a jet engine whenever she was around me, was almost too much for me to handle. But I couldn't leave her.

I loved her incredible clumsiness, so unlike the familiar vampire gracefulness of my family. Her clumsiness just magnified how different and how special she was apart from the other human beings. She became embarrassed so incredibly easily which just made her all the more attractive.

I thought about tonight and how perfectly our bodies fit together as I held her close to me lying on her bed. Every curve fit like a puzzle piece with mine. I had matched my breathing to hers, and we had moved in unison. We went perfectly together. I don't know if it was fate or luck, but it felt so _right_ when we were together.

And she loved me. Though I already knew it somehow, Bella had said she loved me. _Bella_. And I loved her back, more than she could possibly imagine. But tonight, in her unconsciousness, the part of her that cannot be controlled and therefore speaks the uttermost truth, she said she loved me.

I thought about her wonderfully soft skin, all over her body. I thought about her lips, those beautiful, cherry, full lips. How, at this moment, like I had earlier, wanted to kiss those lips of hers again…

_Whoa, Edward, excited much?_ Were Jasper's thoughts, interrupting my psychological monologue.

I emitted a low growl that he and the rest of the family heard, and they all let out little chuckles. Boy was this becoming frustrating. I guess I would have to get used to the teasing for a little while, until the excitement of old-fashioned Edward with a girlfriend (as they put it these days) wears off.

For the next few minutes I paid careful attention to my thoughts to make sure they didn't wander. Suddenly I felt a soft knock on the door. It was Esme.

_Edward? May I come in?_

I mumbled a soft 'yes', and she opened the door, stepped in and closed in behind her. _I just wanted to let you know how proud of you, and how happy for you I am. You've been alone so long, and now you've found someone, like the rest of us._

She was smiling, a smile so sincere, and if she could it looked as if she would have tears in her eyes. I nodded silently, letting her know I heard and understood what she was saying. _Maybe you could bring Bella by the house tomorrow? The kids have seen her at school, and Carlisle at the hospital, but I would love to meet her; she sounds wonderful-- But as long as she is okay with it of course. We don't want to frighten her away._

I chuckled at the last bit, remembering how utterly indifferent Bella seemed around vampires. I nodded once again, and she turned to leave. She was halfway down the stairs back to the living room where the rest of the family was, when she 'spoke' once more: _Oh and Edward, why don't you come downstairs. The family wants to talk to you._

More like tease me. But I reluctantly agreed. I was downstairs in less than a second. The family was lounging on the furniture watching, but not really watching, television. Before I could decide what to do, Alice pounced on me and pulled me into a human bone crushing hug. "Edward! That's a great idea!" She exclaimed. Clearly she had seen a vision about tomorrow. _And, oh, Edward, we are all so happy for you. I truly, truly am. I can't wait to meet her. She really is beautiful isn't she?_

I smiled at Alice as she pulled away from the hug. "Credit that idea to Esme" I chuckled in response.

"What's the big idea?" Rosalie snapped. I had tuned her out for a while. I did not realize that she was thinking about her human life this whole time, and I felt slight pity for her. Out of all of us, this was going to be the hardest for her.

"Edward's going to bring Bella around tomorrow!" Alice exclaimed excitedly.

Rosalie's grew significantly darker, and she looked at me straight in the eyes. _Edward, why?_

Though she had made the gesture so obvious I suspected everyone in the room knew exactly what she was thinking, I still didn't answer her directly and avoided her gaze. "I love Bella with all my heart. Vampire or not, I think she should be treated like family, and therefore I believe it is a good idea for her to meet the family."

"I believe so too." Esme said. _She's not taking this very well is she, Edward?_

I shook my head. Rosalie was angry. _I can't believe you would do this. I don't want to speak to her Edward nor do I want to meet her. She's human, Edward, she's not immortal, she will die one day. And I know you know that already. She wants to be a vampire like you, like the rest of us. But she doesn't realize how damn lucky she is. If you let her go, Edward, she can live a happy life. She can grow up, get married, have children, grow old, die and then finally go to heaven. With you, she can never do that. I wanted to let you know that, Edward. This is how I feel, and if you still want to bring her home, then just know that I won't be here. _

The rest of the family watched our wordless communication in silence. "Very well, then, Rosalie. Take as long as you need." I replied coldly to her. Her words had stung, and though I knew how true they were, I did not want to accept them right then and there.

Rosalie glared at me for a couple more seconds before speeding out the door into the dark night, slamming the door behind her. All the windows on the ground floor shattered. The rest of us stood in silence until Emmett spoke up.

"I think I'm going to follow her. I have nothing against Bella, Edward, although I still think you're out of your mind, but I think I should be with Rose right now. I'll see you soon." I nodded in response.

I stared silently at the ground, and the rest of the family gave me sympathetic looks. _Don't mind them_ Esme thought _She'll come around._

_It'll all work out for the best_ Alice reassured me and started up the stairs to hers and Jasper's room.

Jasper followed her, patting me on the shoulder and thinking _I know you, Edward. You and Bella can pull through. I know you can._

Then Carlisle spoke for the first time that evening. "Well, I better fix those windows. Edward, go back to Bella's if you want. Just be careful."

I smiled in response; just the mention of Bella filled me with a wonderful sensation. "I will," I said, and then I tore off back to Bella's house.

* * *

**Alright, well that's it for now. Review if you want to see more because I can continue...**

It would also be great if yoiu guys gave me more fanfic ideas :)


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